Jump into the summer with body confidence
By Tanja, Psychologist for Eating Disorders & Body Image
Finally, summer is here. My favourite time of the year 🙂 . Who doesn’t love sitting outside, feeling the sunshine on their face and body, the extra long days, the colourful flowers, fresh fruits and vegetables and delicious ice cream? Summer is full of joy, happiness, lightness and peace – summer is just great, isn’t it?
Hi there!
I’m Tanja. I’m a qualified psychologist specialising in eating disorders, negative body image and body hate. I’m also a survivor of anorexia.
My mission is to help you to end your lifelong struggles with food and your body and inspire you to uncover and embrace you true worth. Read more…
But what if you are struggling with body confidence? What if you are ashamed of how your body looks? What if the mere thought of wearing shorts, vests or swimsuits makes you feel uncomfortable, nervous, stressed, sad or even anxious?
If so, then summer can be horrifying, right? But you are not alone! Various studies have shown that women and girls around the world stop doing things they love, like or benefit from because they feel bad about their appearance (Globe Survey 2010). That women’s confidence in their bodies, regardless of age or geography, is steadily decreasing (Globe Survey 2016). Furthermore, 50% of women feel pressured to look good always and 45% feel under pressure to lose weight (Poll for International Women’s Day, 2010).
From New Year’s Day onwards, we get bombarded with images of perfect models in bikinis, adverts about diet products and resolutions to lose weight by friends, colleagues and family members. All these influences pressure us to get “beach body ready” and get rid of our “horrible” orange peel thighs and the “extra” kilograms we gained during the cold season. This pressure can be so strong that we might force ourselves to follow a restrictive diet or become a gym member. Or we might deny ourselves the joy and freedom of summer by hiding ourselves inside our homes and wrapping our bodies in long, loose clothes that are far too warm for hot summer days.
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However, whether these methods will bring you body confidence, body acceptance, body love and happiness in the long run is another question.
If you want to know how you really can fall in love with your body and find body acceptance, read my four-part series How to love your body and get my Body Acceptance Guide, which includes 11 pages of tips and worksheets above.
I too struggled with body confidence issues for a long period of my life. It was always worse when the temperature rose in the warm summer months. During this beautiful time of the year, I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin: I felt too big, too fat and judged harshly by others on my appearance. So often I wished for autumn when I could wear my thick clothes once again.
But what if you could change the way you feel in our body right now without losing weight or changing whatever it is that makes you uncomfortable in your skin? Through my journey, I learned that to feel happy and positive in my skin was a choice, which only I can make. I would like to share with you three of my exercises that have helped me to overcome my negative body image and have enabled me to feel happy and confident in my body every single day.
What is body confidence?
Before we jump into how to practice body confidence, we should understand what it is. Body confidence is used to describe how positive someone feels about their body, how they perceive their body and themselves and how much their sense of self-worth is tied to their physical appearance. It is about embracing every part of who you are (including your body), regardless of how you look. You have body confidence when you recognise, accept, love and are confident in what you have. Regardless of your body shape and size, your mental and physical abilities or anything else, you have the right and deserve it to feel amazing in your body.
Three ways to practice body confidence
Increasing your body confidence comes from internal work such as affirmations, journaling and mediations and not from external work like diets and exercise. You will only be happy with your appearance if you change your mindset. Even if you go on a diet and lose 10 kilograms, exercise until you have a very toned body, or even undergo plastic surgery, you will always find something else that you don’t like or that feels socially unacceptable. I will now show you three exercises to help you change your mindset.
1. Pay attention to your thoughts and words
Try to pay attention to your thoughts and the words you speak and think about yourself and your body. Even though our thoughts are the most powerful tool that creates our reality, many people aren’t aware of how their thoughts affect their feelings and their lives. However, you have the power to change your thoughts and words at any time, which ultimately helps to change your life. To become clearer about your thoughts and words, get a journal and write a list of all the things you think are true about your body and yourself. What did you find yourself saying and thinking about your body?
If you want to know more about journaling and how it can help you with your body image, read my article How journaling boosts your body image.
Now take a look at your list and divide it into two lists. Include all the positive statements in one list and all the negative statements in the other list. Which list is longer?
The next step is where the transformation will take place. Take a closer look at the negative list and try to find a way to turn your negative thoughts and words into positive ones. Then add them to the positive list. For instance, you could change “I hate my belly fat” into “My partner is crazy about my curves and I like them too”. Now take the positive list and place it where you can see it several times a day. Every time you think or say something negative about yourself, replace it with something positive and add it to your positive list.
2. Identify your limiting beliefs
What are your biggest obstacles when it comes to accepting, loving and being confident in your body? What excuses do you tell yourself for not having positive feelings about your body? What is holding you back? Try to dig as deep as possible, be honest with yourself and write down those beliefs. Common limiting beliefs that I often hear from my clients are:
- I will always be fat, ugly, overweight, too big, too curvy, etc.
- People are disgusted with how my body looks. So I have to hide my body in large clothes or at home.
- Others always stare at me and judge me and don’t take me seriously because my body doesn’t meet society’s expectations of beauty.
- I have tried so many diets and none of them have ever worked. I’m just too weak to deserve to feel good in my body. It is my fate to be fat, unhappy and hidden away.
The problem with limiting beliefs is that you believe them so deeply that they become a part of who you are. You believe that you don’t deserve to feel good in your body because you are too fat, which leads to feelings of unhappiness, sadness and despair. Even worse, you accept that you can’t change your situation. But that is not true. Your thoughts and feelings are the only things that keep you from feeling confident in your body. But to overcome your limiting beliefs, it is important to identify them.
3. Change your limiting beliefs
Now take a look at your list. Which of these limiting beliefs hold you back the most? In the next step note down 5 reasons why this statement is not true and what you can do to do change it. Be as creative as possible to prove to yourself that you are wrong. Even if it is hard work, this investment is for you and your happiness and will make a significant difference in your life!
For example, lets take the following limiting belief mentioned above: “I need to hide my body because I’m too fat”. Two of the reasons why this is not true could be:
- Actually, I’m not fat at all. My partner always tells me how much he loves my body, especially my curves. I guess I could try to buy some clothes that are less bulky but that I still feel comfortable in.
- I guess there are a lot of curvy people who enjoy summer days on the beach and don’t hide at home like I do. I could try to go out more often, maybe t first to a quite beach. Because I actually deserve to go outside as well.
The idea of these exercises is to inspire you to think differently about your body and yourself. Improving your body image and increasing you body confidence doesn’t happen overnight and requires constant practice. But if you do it regularly, you will see how it will change your mindset and your life. The more you practice these exercises, the easier it will get. And the easier it is, the happier and more at peace you will feel. You will be surprised how this can change your relationship with your body and yourself.
You don’t need to struggle alone on your recovery journey.
Simply get in touch to discuss how I can help you.
It is entirely possible to overcome an eating disorder or body hate –
I have done it, others have done it and so can you!
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Hi there!
I’m Tanja. I’m a qualified psychologist specialising in eating disorders, negative body image and body hate. I’m also a survivor of anorexia.
My mission is to help you to end your lifelong struggles with food and your body and inspire you to uncover and embrace you true worth. Read more…