How to stop comparing your body to others’
By Tanja, Psychologist for Eating Disorders & Body Image
“Comparison is a thief of joy.” Theodore Roosevelt
When you compare your body to other people’s bodies, what do you think? Is it something like:
Hi there!
I’m Tanja. I’m a qualified psychologist specialising in eating disorders, negative body image and body hate. I’m also a survivor of anorexia.
My mission is to help you to end your lifelong struggles with food and your body and inspire you to uncover and embrace you true worth. Read more…
- Life is so unfair; why can’t I have a body like theirs?
- Their bodies are so beautiful, so they can wear anything, but I have to hide my body in loose clothes.
- With those bodies, they will never have troubles finding a partner, whereas I am just grateful when nobody looks at me with disgust.
How do you feel about these thoughts?
- Miserable?
- Inferior?
- Sad?
- Desperate?
- Devastated?
The sad truth is that this is what most of us think and feel at one time or another — and some of us do it pretty often.
Comparing your body to others’ is how the human mind works and is usually problematic, as it can be a source of pain and dissatisfaction. You will always find someone who has a thinner, more toned body, better skin or a flatter stomach than you. The reality is that you can’t be those people. You can only be you and your body has its own beauty and uniqueness based on your genes.
I know it is very difficult not to compare your body to others’ when the culture we live in encourages this. Our culture has taught us that we are only attractive if we fit into a size 0, and have a toned body, and the way to achieve this is to go on a diet to lose our “extra” kilograms.
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But what if we actually achieve this “perfect” socially acceptable body? Would we really stop comparing ourselves to others’? Of course not. We would always find someone who has something that we don’t have and that we want. This is how our minds work, but you can learn to unlearn this behaviour.
If you want to know why you shouldn’t diet at all, read my blog are article Why are diets so bad for your mind and body.
To whose body do you compare your body?
Usually, we don’t compare ourselves to everyone we meet. Instead, we tend to measure ourselves only against people who seem prettier, thinner or in better shape than us. Take a moment to think about how often you compare your body to someone else’s.
- When you are at the cinema or a musical, do you compare your body with the visitors only with the stars in the movie or musical?
- When you visit the gym, do you compare your body with the instructor’s or the gym members’?
- When you scroll through social media, do you compare your body with those of photoshopped models or also with their followers’ bodies?
You will probably start to realise that it is not fair on yourself to compare your body like this. If you really need to compare yourself to others, at least try to be fair. Don’t just compare your body with those of photoshopped models, movie stars or gym instructors. Instead, compare your body to those of all the people you see in the grocery store or even just every third person you see on the street.
However, the best approach would be to work on improvements that are healthy for you and that do not harm your wellbeing. I can promise you that you will be so much happier if you stop comparing your body to others’ and learn to accept and value yourself for who you are.
If you want to know how you can fall in love with your body, read my 4-part series “How to love your body: Part 1 – Body Awareness”.
How can you stop comparing your body to others’?
Redirect the comparison
Over the next week, try to become aware of your tendency to compare your body with others’. Every time you find yourself comparing your body to another person’s, hold that thought and redirect it towards yourself. Write down something positive about yourself or something you like about your body or your life that you would not want to lose.
For example, this thought could be “I would like to have thin legs like that actress.” Try to redirect this thought into something positive like “Many people tell me that I’m a great listener and a wonderful friend. Actually, I don’t need “thin” legs to be accepted and valued by others.”
Be grateful for your body and what it can do for you
Being thankful for the good things we already have in our lives forces us to focus on the positive things. Every time you find yourself comparing your body to someone else’s, think of something you are grateful for. When you focus on what you don’t have, you will always feel negative. But if you are thankful what your body has and can do for you, you will be so much happier and less tempted to compare your body.
I know that sometimes it is difficult to look on the positive site, but no matter how your body looks, keep in mind that the body you have is the only body you will ever have. No matter how you perceive your body, there is always something about your body for which you can be thankful right now.
If you want to know more about how you can be grateful for your body, read my blog article How to love your body: Part 3 -Body Appreciation
Remember that every body is unique
Our bodies are not supposed to be and look the same. Would we all look the same, if we ate the same food and did the same type of exercise? No, we wouldn’t! Think about it: if we were all clones of each other, this wouldn’t be a great survival strategy for the human species. It is not in our nature to look the same.
Try to become your best self, not someone else’s best copy. And if you want to compare your body, focus on yourself and not on others.
You don’t need to struggle alone on your recovery journey.
Simply get in touch to discuss how I can help you.
It is entirely possible to overcome an eating disorder or body hate –
I have done it, others have done it and so can you!
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Hi there!
I’m Tanja. I’m a qualified psychologist specialising in eating disorders, negative body image and body hate. I’m also a survivor of anorexia.
My mission is to help you to end your lifelong struggles with food and your body and inspire you to uncover and embrace you true worth. Read more…